Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
