coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
