i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
