He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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