I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
