you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
