i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
