you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
