Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wear drunk well.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
