Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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