last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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