We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
