What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
