she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize