So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
