I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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