I cannot find my penis.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Congratulations! We have a period
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