u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize