Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
