life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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