no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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