i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
