as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
