Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
