Don't make out with my wife yet
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
