Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
