i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
