Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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