I want to stick my p in your. b.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize