The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
