I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
