You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
