You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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