do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
