so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
