I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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