after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
