We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
