Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
