I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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