Pants 0. Shit 1.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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