i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the condom got lost in my hair
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
