based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
