I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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