I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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