i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize