Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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