Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
