If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
