Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
