So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
