what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
