Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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