Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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