I heard we made out
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
