You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
