my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
