So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
