every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
