i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
