I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
