why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
