the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize