I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dignity is for republicans.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
