On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
